


Free Dumpling

by Giraffacake



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Angst, Bad Parenting, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Closure, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Other, POV Catra (She-Ra), Recreational Drug Use, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Wakes & Funerals, depressed cartoon animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giraffacake/pseuds/Giraffacake
Summary: "Because there's always more show... I guess until there isn't."Catra delivers a eulogy at a memorial service*In case the title, quote and summary didn't give it away, this was heavily inspired by/ripped off from the BoJack Horseman episode "Free Churro"
Comments: 11
Kudos: 43





	Free Dumpling

She isn’t fully paying attention when Glimmer calls her name and steps away from the altar. It takes a light elbow in the ribs from Adora for her to realise, and then she stands up and hastily make her way up the steps. When she gets to the altar, she stops briefly and stares at the wall to her right, with all the names engraved upon it. She turns to the altar and suddenly becomes aware of all the faces looking to her in anticipation. Friends, former enemies, strangers. She chuckles nervously, and reaches into her suit jacket pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. She unfolds it and quickly scans the hastily scribbled contents. She takes a deep breath, mutters _“Screw it”_ and crumples the paper into a ball, throwing it over her shoulder. 

“You know, when I first got told about this thing, I thought _huh, that’s a nice idea._ Originally I didn’t think I was even going to come, I thought it’d be too awkward, what with, y’know, spending so long on the _other_ side and all that, but the others were like _no no no it’ll be fiiiine, don’t worry about it, everyone’s going to be there!_ So I said sure, I guess, I’ll be there. And then a couple of days later Spark- sorry, _Queen Glimmer_ comes up to me and she says, _Hey, you know this service is for_ everyone, _right?_ And I’m like, _Well yeah, duh, why wouldn’t it be?_ And she’s looking at me like she’s waiting for a ball to drop, and she goes, _We’re getting people to say a few words about a few people in particular… you know,_ notable _people?_ And I’m just staring right back at her, clearly not getting it, saying _I mean yeah, that’s what these things are for, right?_ And she just keeps looking at me with those big, glittery eyes, practically begging me to not make her outright say it, and finally it clicks. 

“Ah. Her.”

“So I just played it cool, and I say something like _Yeah, fine, whatever, I thought you’d want to talk about actual good people who did useful things, but sure._ I didn’t know if she was asking me permission or something like that, but if she was worried about it I didn’t want her to stay worried, you know? But then Glimmer says to me _Well, the thing is…_ and I’m like, what? And she’s all _Well, we don’t have anyone to say anything about her yet, and everyone else who knew her well is already doing something else at the service, so…_ and I say, no. Absolutely not. And then begs me, says it doesn’t have to be much, just a few nice words, I don’t even have to mean it, blah blah blah. I told her, if that’s the case then why not just get literally anyone to do it? But she asked me to sleep on it, so I did. And then the next day, she asks me again, and I say- no. So she asks me to sleep on it again, so I did. And the next day, I told her _no_ again. This went on for a while, until, eventually, I said _OKAY, FINE, I’LL DO IT,_ just to shut her up. Okay, maybe Adora persuaded me a little bit as well. So, here I am. I know there are definitely some of you out there who would very much prefer me to not be here, and that’s fine. I just want you to know, that I’d rather not be here either. So, at least we’re all on the same page.”

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Bow wincing, Adora forcing a smile whilst giving her a thumbs up, and Glimmer in between them with her face in her palm.

“Anyway, I figured, it’s just a few words, how hard can it be? So I tried to write some down, and that’s when I realised- I suck at writing. I especially suck at writing _nice_ things. So I ended up with not an awful lot and- you know what, let me just read it to you anyway to prove my point-“

She turns around, and goes to where the crumpled piece of paper landed, picking it up and returning to the altar, uncrumpling as she goes. She holds it out in front of her and clears her throat.

“ _Shadow Weaver was originally called Light Spinner. She was a great and powerful sorceress in Mystacor. Then one day she messed with black magic, turned evil, and joined the Horde, where she spent the next several decades traumatizing children and ruining lives. Eventually that stopped working out for her, so she defected to the Rebellion, where she continued to be an awful person, aaaaand then she died. The end.”_

She then re-crumples the paper and throws it back over her shoulder without looking. The silence is broken by a few barely audible giggles, which she knows are coming from Mermista, Netossa and, thankfully, Adora.

“Told you I sucked. Anyway, I figured, I can’t just write this stuff down like that. And if I’m here, and I’m going to do this, then I’m going to do it properly. Honestly. So here goes…

“…well, I guess I never knew her as ‘Light Spinner’. I never even knew that she had a life before the Horde, let alone a completely different life. Light Spinner means nothing to me. If you want to hear about _her_ , you’re probably best speaking to Micah or Casta. To me, she was always Shadow Weaver, and that’s how I’ll remember her. Lucky me. Most of you probably already know, but I was in the Horde my entire life. I don’t know if I was born there or found as a baby, but at any rate, I never knew my parents, or my family, or even any other members of my own species. My earliest memory is Shadow Weaver. The oldest image in my head is me looking up and seeing those blank white eyes piercing out of that expressionless, sinister red mask, and that face being surrounded by that creepy, floaty, blacker-than-night hair. That’s the very first thing I can remember. No wonder I’m so messed up. But I guess, for lack of any other family, Shadow Weaver was the closest thing I had to a parent. To a mom. So maybe it makes sense she’s my first memory, when you look at it that way. There’s a few people here could back me up on this, but growing up in the Horde wasn’t easy. It was very much a ‘survival of the fittest’ kinda deal, and for whatever reason, some of the older cadets singled me out as the weird one and picked on me. Which never made sense to me, because did you see the freaks we had in the Horde? Cadets with tails, tentacles, scales, claws, way too many teeth- but yeah, the _cat girl_ is the biggest freak and needs to be weeded out. Figures. When I was really young I tried to go to Shadow Weaver about it a couple of times, and being the caring, supportive mother figure that she was she told me _If the other cadets don’t like you because you’re a freak then maybe you should stop being a freak_ and _If you can’t handle the insults of children then maybe you’re too weak to survive._ Maybe those weren’t her exact words, it was a long time ago, I don’t know, but you get the gist. Those early years were rough, and that was all the support I got from her. I suppose I had Adora, at least. I may not have had a mother to look after me, but I had her. She made things just a bit more tolerable.

“I found out pretty quickly what Shadow Weaver thought of me, if the previous example didn’t make it obvious. I was a nuisance, an irritant. The runt of the litter. Whilst the star child could do no wrong, I was apparently the source of every problem. Because Adora was the one with the all potential, the one destined to do great things and have a bright future, and I was… the other one. Shadow Weaver made it pretty clear several times that the only reason I survived at the Horde, was because Adora liked me. If she didn’t, I don’t think Shadow Weaver would have hesitated in kicking me out into the Crimson Waste and leaving me to starve to death. But as it turned out, that would have made Adora unhappy, and Shadow Weaver wouldn’t have liked that. Not because she _cared_ about Adora’s happiness, oh no, but because she loved controlling people, and the way to control Adora was by keeping her happy. So I didn’t get kicked out, but instead I got blamed for everything. Every time we got into trouble, every time Adora didn’t do as well in a training exercise, every time ration bars went missing, somehow it was always my fault. Okay, the ration bars one probably was me at least half of the time, whatever. But it didn’t matter if it was Adora’s idea to do something stupid, or if she just half-assed her way in training some days because she wasn’t in the mood, no, it still must have been because of me. I was the bad influence. The distraction. That’s how she saw me. Always. She said as much on more than one occasion. Can you imagine saying something like that to a kid? You’re still young, and the world is new, and terrifying, and you get told that everything bad that happens is because of _you_? You’re to blame for everyone else’s problems? Imagine hearing that from the only person that even comes close to being a parent. That’d be enough to make someone, I don’t know, go crazy and try to take over the world? You’d have to ask someone else about that…”

She pauses momentarily, takes a deep breath and wipes the sweat from her brow.

“One sec.”

She reaches into the inner pocket of her jacket and pulls out a thin paper-wrapped tube. She then reaches into the pocket of her suit pants, fumbling around for a moment before pulling out a match. She places the tube in her mouth, unsheathes a single claw and strikes the match against it. She lights the stick, inhales deeply, and then tilts her head back before blowing out the smoke.

“That’s better. Shout out to Perfuma for telling me about this stuff. Who knew setting fire to plants could be so relaxing? Yes, Bow, I know it’s not ‘entirely appropriate’ but come on, I’m struggling up here! Besides it’s not like I’m not rolling around in ‘nip, or something.”

She takes another, shorter drag.

“Right, where was I? Oh yeah, Shadow Weaver being terrible. Sorry, I guess the whole ‘just say a few nice words’ thing is going great so far, eh Sparkles? Not all my memories of her are bad, I suppose. Most of them are, but there’s a few… less bad ones, when I think about it. One night, when I must have been six or seven, I’m not sure, all the other cadets were asleep and I was awake in my bunk. I’d gotten used to sleeping at the end of Adora’s bed, but Shadow Weaver found out about that a few nights before and quickly put a stop to it. I didn’t like sleeping on my own, it made me feel… defenceless. So on this night, I’m in my own bunk, and I’d just woken up from a nightmare. I can’t remember what it was about. Shadow Weaver, probably. And I’m crying my eyes out, alone and scared, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. And then I hear- no, that’s not right, she never made a sound when moved. I _feel_ Shadow Weaver enter the room, conducting her nightly rounds or whatever. I shut my eyes tight and try desperately to stop crying so she won’t notice that I’m awake. Next thing, I open my eyes and she’s there looming over my bunk, those eerie white eyes standing out more than usual as she stares right at me, and I try so hard but I can’t stop snivelling and sobbing like a damn baby. She looks at me, and she says _Why are you crying?_ And I just about manage to whisper back that I can’t sleep and that I’m scared. She stares at me a second longer, and then she raises her hand. I close my eyes and brace myself because I think she’s about to hit me- you know, the old ‘kid can’t sleep so just knock ‘em the hell out’ strategy? But then I feel her just… touch the back of my head. And she starts slowly stroking my hair, and it’s so… gentle? Something I never even thought she was capable of. And she’s going _sshhhh_ and it’s the quietest, softest sound I ever heard her make. The next thing I know, I wake up and it’s morning. I don’t know whether she cast some kind of sleep spell, or she laced her gloves with some drug- knowing her it was probably both- or maybe, she did genuinely just soothe me and got me to sleep. All I know is, I felt a lot better when I woke up. So that was nice, I guess…

“Of course, this is Shadow Weaver we’re talking about. As it turns out, I’d overslept, missed breakfast, and was late to the first exercise. I go running over there, find all the other cadets.. and Shadow Weaver. She looks me up and down, and then she just says _You’re late_. I tell her that I overslept. She narrows her eyes and goes _Then maybe you should go to bed earlier._ And all the other cadets start laughing. It takes all of my strength to not start crying. One of the only memories I have of Shadow Weaver that isn’t completely awful, and she still had to ruin it…

“You know what’s worse though? Not longer after that I’m in bed again, and I’m awake because I can hear Adora crying. I’m guessing she had a nightmare this time. I think about getting out of my bunk, getting in hers and comforting her, that I’ll tell her that everything will be okay, like she always did for me. But then Shadow Weaver enters the room, and I put that thought out of my head, turn over and pretend to be asleep. And then I hear her talking to Adora- _What’s wrong, my child? Bad dreams? There, there._ And they have this back and forth between Adora crying and Shadow Weaver comforting her. Then I hear… singing. It’s Shadow Weaver singing this, lullaby, or something? I’d never heard her sing before, and I never heard sing again since. And it’s… beautiful, in a weird way? She was always full of surprises. Eventually, Adora stops crying, and I can hear her snoring – yes you _did_ snore, even back then – and Shadow Weaver leaves. Now I’m the only one awake, and I find myself thinking _Huh, so that’s what it’s like it. To have a mom that cares about you._ And before I realise it, I think _I wish my mom was like that._

“That’s how it went, in every aspect of our lives. No matter what we did, Adora was always the one getting showered with praise, and I was being told that I was falling behind, that I had to try harder. That I was lazy. Even if I did just as well as her, or even better, Shadow Weaver would always tell me that I need to be more like Adora, and that Adora needs to be less like me. And when we got into trouble, Adora would get away with a stern word and a slap on the wrist. Me? Well, let’s just say you don’t want to get on the wrong side of a sorceress who uses dark magic and knows every single one of your fears and weaknesses…”

She pauses, takes a drag, and lightly rakes her claws across the altar.

“You’re probably listening to this thinking that I blame Adora for how I got treated. And for the longest time, yeah, I did. But I don’t anymore. It’s not her fault things turned out the way they did. And it’s not like she had it easy, of course she didn’t. Nobody who grew up in the Horde under Shadow Weaver had it easy. She was just lucky to be born being Adora, and I was unlucky to be born being me. I can’t blame her for that. In fact I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“After Adora left, I thought things might be different, but I guess I was stupider than I gave myself credit for. Now all Shadow Weaver cared about was getting Adora back, and regardless of what I achieved, she just viewed me the same as ever, like I was some cheap, second rate replacement. I suppose we had that in common- like we would both look each other and think _Great, Adora’s gone and now I’m stuck with you._ Eventually, though, Hordak got just as sick of her crap as I was. I got to sever her connection with the Black Garnet and throw her in prison. That felt good, I won’t lie. Like I finally got a chance to win. Then, later, Hordak doesn’t want Shadow Weaver as a prisoner anymore. He orders me to ship her off to Beast Island. I should have been ecstatic when he said that. Finally I could get rid of her, and I would never have to see her or think about her ever again. I could actually move on with my own life. But… that’s not how I felt. As soon as Hordak gave me that order I was… scared. For her. That was weird- I’d spent so much of my life being scared _of_ her, but never scared _for_ her. And the thought of her being gone, and trapped in that awful place, made me sad. So I went to her cell. I spoke to her. I begged her to think of something, any excuse that I could give to Hordak that would make him let her stay. And when she spoke to me, she was… soft. She said nice things to me. Suddenly it was like all those years ago when I heard her talking to Adora at night, except now it was with me. Without the singing though. That would have been weird. So when I left her cell, it felt like something was different now. Maybe there was a connection there. Maybe, if I got her to stay, we could have had a fresh start. A second chance. Before I knew it, I was letting myself want that more than anything…”

She lets out a single, spiteful laugh.

“And then, when I next go to her cell, she’s gone. I’d brought her that stupid pendant thing, and she used the magic in that to teleport herself out. It’s like she knew. She knew exactly what I wanted, and then used that to get what she wanted out of me. And as I was left on my own in that cell, screaming, all I could picture was that when I’d been in there with her, behind that mask she’d been smiling- laughing at me. At how desperate and pathetic I was. At how, yet again, she had me wrapped around her finger, even when she was _my_ prisoner. That’s the reward I got for putting my faith in her. Oh, and do you want to hear something _really_ funny? When I’d been in there talking to her, you know what she said to me? She said that I reminded her of herself. I mean, really think about that. This person who spends all their time terrifying people, manipulating them, and generally just being horrible to everyone- and then they tell you that you’re _just like them?_ Was that supposed to make me feel better? Though it does make me feel sorry for everyone else in the Horde- I thought things were bad enough with one Shadow Weaver skulking around, but apparently there were actually _two?_ No wonder they all left…

“The thing is… whenever Shadow Weaver used to say those things about me being lazy or not trying hard, I always used to laugh it off. Tell everyone else, well _of course_ I’m wasn’t trying my best, that I could easily be ahead of Adora and everyone, I just didn’t _want_ to, that I didn’t want to deal with the responsibility that would come with all that. But the real truth is… I was trying my best. All the time. Every single training exercise, course or whatever, I was pushing myself as hard as I could. I was constantly giving it 100%. And you know why? Not because I wanted to be better than Adora, but because I was trying to impress Shadow Weaver. Even just once, I wanted her to be pleased with what I was doing. I wanted to hear her praise me the same way she always praised Adora. I know I shouldn’t have bothered, I should have learned my lesson quickly that it was never going to happen and I should just stop- but I never stopped. I kept trying. Always. I clung on to the hope that one day, eventually, I’d actually get to hear her say _Well done, Catra._ Or _You looked great out there, Catra._ Or _Catra, I’m proud of you…_ But, of course, it never came. Nothing I ever did was good enough for you, was it? Why? Why was I such a disappointment to you? Why was it so hard for you to just say something nice, even once?”

Tears sting her cheeks. She feels her voice rising and cracking. She tries to stop it but she can’t. She turns and looks at the wall of names, focusing on that one name.

“I gave you all I had. I gave you _everything!_ And you gave me nothing…” 

She stares for a second longer before wiping her cheeks and turning back to the congregation.

“I know I should take responsibility for my own actions. And please believe that I do. I made my choices, and I’ve been living with the consequences. I’ll continue to do so for the rest of my life. And I’ll never stop trying to make up for the things that I did. But I can’t help but think… what if Shadow Weaver had said something to me? What if she had given me any positive feedback in my life, instead of always putting me down? Could things have turned out differently? Maybe I wouldn’t have screwed things up as much, if I didn’t have her in my head all the time. I don’t know. Maybe, if that had been the case, then when I found out exactly where she’d gone when she’d escaped, who she’d left me for, I wouldn’t have felt angrier than I’d ever felt in my entire life. Like my whole body was on fire, and all I wanted was everything to burn with me. Even when I’d been given the chance to leave all that behind me, forget Shadow Weaver and the Horde, start afresh- all I could think about was anger, and getting revenge on everyone who made me feel that way, especially _her_. And because of that, I almost… I almost…”

She can’t hold it back anymore. Her head drops, collapsing into her free had that had just been resting on the altar. She lets out several deep, violent sobs into the palm of her hand, trying to muffle the sound, but the sound still reverberates around the otherwise silent hall. Her eyes are shut tight, she daren’t open them again. Then, the sound of quick footsteps approach. A tender hand squeezes her shoulder. She doesn’t need to look to know who it is. Slowly, she lifts her head from her hand, takes a deep breath, and uses her once again free hand to stroke the fingers on her shoulder. Adora whispers something in her ear.

“No, no… I’m fine, seriously. Just… just let me finish, okay?”

Adora squeezes once more, then releases her grip, but she stays by her side, taking only a single step back. She takes another deep drag and, once she’s exhaled, focuses on someone sat a couple of rows back in the congregation.

“Thanks again, Perfuma. This really does help. I owe you one. This totally counts as a session, by the way. Several, in fact. Don’t expect me to turn up for a couple of weeks…”

_Catra…_

“What, I’m joking, jeez. Mostly. What is with you guys? Who died?”

A few laughs. She allows herself a quick chuckle, before taking a final quick drag, and stubbing out the remnants.

“So yeah. Shadow Weaver joined the rebellion. She was one of the good guys now. Good for her. She was obviously doing it entirely for herself, but it’s the _thought_ that counts, right? I guess she helped get all the princesses into the Fright Zone to rescue Adora, and then she got them all out again once the whole… y’know… portal thing got resolved. So that was nice of her. And then she stayed at Bright Moon for a while, and I wasn’t there for most of that, but apparently she had a garden or something? And she taught Glimmer how to be a sorceress. That ended up helping out, I think. I doubt she was doing that out of the goodness of her heart. Shadow Weaver never did anything unless _she_ got to benefit out of it. Now she had a queen to sink her claws in to, not just me or Adora… and then I turn back up, and surprise, now I am a good guy too apparently, having been in space for a little while, and having gone through a hell that made growing up with Shadow Weaver seem pretty damn easy in comparison… I should give her that, at least. She was bad, but she didn’t come close to being as bad as… _that._ So we have our little reunion, me, Shadow Weaver and Adora, together again. And let me tell you- _nothing_ had changed. The instant I turned up it’s like she was going _Oh, so you’re only turning up here_ now _, hmm? I’ve been here ages, what took_ you _so long?_ And then comes the blame for any mistakes, and telling Adora that I’m a distraction and it’s basically my fault she can’t transform… we’d barely even started rebuilding that connection between us, and immediately Shadow Weaver’s trying to drive us apart again. And it nearly worked… just like old times, eh?

“Then we get to the Heart. Shadow Weaver took some convincing, but she agreed to get us both to there so we could help Adora. Catra and Shadow Weaver, what a pair of heroes… we get there, Adora’s hurt and turning all green, and there’s this giant, wormy, tentacle monster with a lot of teeth- I missed the explanation of what that thing was, we got there slightly late. Shadow Weaver gets Adora and starts helping her to the Heart, and I try to fight off this monster. No one else was there, but trust me, I looked pretty awesome. Until it gets a hold of me, and starts dangling me above its mouth. Prime’s prattling on about something, but I’m not paying much attention to that. I try to fight but eventually I just… stop. I close my eyes and I think _Well, at least I tried._ But then, something blasts the monster and it drops me. I look up, and… it’s Shadow Weaver. Firing off these spells, fighting more fiercely than I’ve ever seen her fight. Before I know it, she throws me out of the room and sets up this barrier so I can’t get back in. And I start punching the barrier, and I’m begging her to stop. To not do what I think she’s going to do. And I can’t believe it, but I’m crying. Because, despite everything, despite all that she did… she’s the closest thing I ever had to a mom, and I didn’t want her to die. Then, she turns around and looks at me, and her eyes- those blank, white eyes that used to terrify me, suddenly look completely different. Like they’re… pleading? And then she says it. She looks at me with those eyes, and she says _I’m so proud of you, Catra…_ There it is. Only took her twenty years, but she said it. Right at the end… better late than never, I guess? Anyway, the room gets consumed in fire, and when it clears, there’s no more monster. No more Shadow Weaver. That’s it.” 

She wipes her cheeks, then she lets out a sigh that morphs into a tired laugh.

“I wish I could say those were her last words. A tender moment to leave me with. But hey, it’s Shadow Weaver, so she has to get one more in. You know what she said? _You’re welcome._ That’s it. Literally seconds before blowing herself to kingdom come, and that’s what she chooses to say. _You’re welcome._ Not _Goodbye,_ not _Take care of yourselves_ , not _I’m sorry._ Nope. _You’re welcome._ It’s like she literally couldn’t stop herself. She just had to make even that moment all about her- okay, I guess it sort of was, but she may as well have been saying _Wow, you can’t even sacrifice yourself properly. Guess I’ll have to do it then, no need to thank me._ Yet another sort of nice memory of her, that she had to go and ruin… but, she did take out that monster. She saved us. For us, not for herself. That’s something. After that, Adora and I make our way to the heart and- well, you know the rest.”

She feels Adora’s fingers interlock with her own. With her thumb she lightly strokes the hand holding hers. 

“Adora and I have spoken a lot since then. About everything that happened, about Shadow Weaver. One question that’s come up is- do we forgive her? I’ll let Adora tell you what she thinks for herself, but me? Honestly… no. I don’t forgive her. Just because she did the right thing in the end doesn’t make up for all the bad stuff she did in her life. You can’t just perform one grand gesture, peace out and think that suddenly makes you a good person. You don’t get a free pass. Sorry, it doesn’t work like that. Trust me, I know. To even come close to making up for all the hurt you’ve caused, you have to be better. And that’s… hard. It takes time. And commitment. You have to go through the pain of understanding what you’ve done to people, and feeling what they felt. And even when you feel like you’ve done enough to make things right, you have to keep going…”

She looks back over to where she’d spotted Perfuma, and next to her she sees Entrapta, a single tear creeping down her face which gets wiped away by a strand of her hair- and Scorpia, her glistening eyes barely visible over her claws, which look like they’ve been caught up in one of Mermista’s outbursts.

“…and then, when you’ve done all that, _maybe_ the people you hurt will choose to forgive you. And maybe they won’t. Could you blame them? Shadow Weaver didn’t do any of that. She got an easy way out. So no, I don’t forgive her…

“I hate that she thought she could get away with that. I hate the way she manipulated people. I hate her stupid mask. I hate the way she hurt us. I hate how she spent most of her life only thinking about herself. I hate the fact that I was never good enough for her. I hate… all of that… but I…”

She looks down and realises she’s gripping the altar tightly with her free hand. She exhales, and slowly releases her grip.

“…but I still love her. It’s so stupid. It makes me sick whenever I think about it. Just, why? She doesn’t deserve to have me say that! She didn’t do anything to earn my love! If she were stood here now, would she tell me that she loved me? I don’t know… I wish I could get rid of these feelings, I wish I could say _of course I don’t love her…_ but, I do. I do. And when I think about that, I just try to cling on to those few nice memories I have, and the fact that, if it weren’t for her, none of us would be here. Because of Shadow Weaver, we made it to the Heart of Etheria. Because of her, we were able to save the world-“

Adora coughs out a word.

“ – _universe_ , right.”

She turns and properly looks at Adora’s face for the first time, her cheeks stained with running mascara, her lips formed into that small, comforting smile of hers.

“…because of Shadow Weaver, Adora and I could finally be together. Which is funny, because that is absolutely not what Shadow Weaver wanted. She made that pretty clear. But you know what? She spent our entire lives getting what she wanted out of us. I think it’s about time we got what we wanted out of her. So, I am grateful to her. But I hate her. And I don’t forgive her. But, I love her… pretty confusing, right?”

She momentarily freezes, her eyes widen.

“And maybe… that was the point. Of those last words. She spent twenty years messing with our heads. She knew how we felt about her. And maybe she decided that, if she was gonna go, she was going out doing what she did best. She saw that we were sad, so she sacrifices herself, and throws out that _You’re welcome_ just to screw with us one more time. She took off her mask just so she could see the looks on our faces. One last manipulation. One last victory. She died to save us, and left us feeling very confused about it. That’s her to a tee. That’s her legacy. That’s Shadow Weaver.”

She steps away from the altar and Adora, and walks over to the wall full of names, hands in her pockets. She walks right up to the name that feels like it’s been watching her this whole time, and stares at the inscription-

**L I G H T S P I N N E R**

Her stomach knots violently, her fists clench tightly in her pockets. She takes a deep breath.

“So long… and… thanks, I guess…”

Gently, Adora takes her hand, and leads her back to their seats. 

**Author's Note:**

> ...but tell us how you really feel, Catra.


End file.
